Monday, February 15, 2010

Gurgaon at mercy of the ‘Leak’



Gurgaon is always seen as the city in rush. Life here is fast and no one really bothers about getting rest – or for that matter – even getting to a rest room. The ‘embarrassingly embraced’ concept of public urination is a common sight in the city. Radhika Raheja bewails…

Some say its uncontrollable and others blame lack of public utilities, its against the law but socially accepted. It’s a common sight to see a man standing facing a wall or a tree pouring down his tension disgustingly. As the strain releases, the man zips up and walks to his destination with his mission accomplished. Left behind are a crying wall, sopping earth and air full of intolerable stink.

With an expeditious highway to boast of, Gurgaon is one of the most crowded corporate cities in India. Unfortunately, although the traffic speed is much amplified than that of Delhi’s, civic amenities along with civic sense remain substandard.

As against many people’s expectations, Gurgaon isn’t too sophisticated. Sure you have fancy cars, lavish malls, designer brands and strutting ladies everywhere, but somehow something is still leaking. Unfortunately, as common it is to spot men in expensive suits here, its no espying to find them taking out a leak in public. As gross and down market the action is, its also a point that raises a few questions. One major question that arises here is: Why do such well-heeled people indulge in something as sordid as public urination?

There are two answers to this question. One being the obvious that once again the Indian population has come to terms with its so-called freedom. Let alone the fear of law, there is not even shame of displaying private possessions. For the ones who do it, it a usual affair; but for the ones who don’t, the experienced players claim that its just a matter of time. Apparently, practice here too makes the man perfect.

Another good question that surfaces is that why are only men always in an uncontrollable state to urinate? Aren’t bladder control issues also extant for women? Thankfully, we don’t see women committing this act in public. May be it’s the female anatomy or may be its just that women still have some shame left. The very fact that we are taught toilet training in childhood is to ensure that we act in a civilised manner as we grow up. So is it only females who really learn this ‘art’? Or are men just ‘naturally’ allowed to ‘lose control’ whereas nature punishes women to control or just learn to suffer?

Some males claim that its much harder for males to hold it than females. If that were true then how come aren’t other countries as drenched in the urine problem as India? Come to think of it, you can’t have a public toilet everywhere. All over the world, the human body function remains the same, so why aren’t other countries facing this issue. In countries that have huge country sides also lack in the toilet infrastructure, yet, you don’t find men urinating in public defending themselves as being in helpless situations.

But to give men the benefit of the doubt, there are surprisingly less numbers of public toilets in Delhi NCR. Gurgaon also lacks public toilets, which is clearly a difficult situation for its residents and passers by. In serious situations like these, one ends up either rushing to a mall (mostly in case of females), or halting at a pavement nearby despite chances of gaining public attention at the wrong time. But yes, toilet infrastructure troubles are a genuine problem.

But years of watching wailing walls is self explanatory of another problem that has cropped up. People have accepted this behaviour and have stopped reacting to it altogether. The municipal authorities have gone numb, public has gotten used to seeing and smelling, and the offenders have found comfort in the act. It has become a socially accepted form of excretion and no one is bothered anymore.

There is a lot that needs to be done. Its sorry enough that various religious places have to literally write requests on their walls to not be dirtied. This problem in Delhi for that matter has reached a point where every solution seems impractical, but the so-called modern townships can still be cleaned up or at least, kept clean. As far as Gurgaon is concerned, there is a large crowd of educated and well earning populace, and it the city depends on them. Gurgaon needs to decide – ‘to pee’ or ‘not to pee’.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Tiger Woods: Is he worth forgiving?

The world’s finest golfer’s stories of infidelity made big headlines in the recent times. Tiger Woods, considered to be the greatest golfer did some serious damage to his image because of his extra marital affairs and ‘sex scandals’ coming to light. As the news broke around the globe, what it also fractured was his marriage with Elin Nordegren.

The last couple of months have seen the world judging Woods for his acts. What may be a personal question for most couples has made him an easy target of discussion across the globe. As per the moral police, his actions have been unpardonable. Reports of his marriage splitting up may be perceived as a correct consequence. For those who believe that he should not be forgiven, argue that being successful brings with it moral responsibility which he has flouted. Some also believe that the damage he has done to his family by breaking their trust is enough to punish him. Woods’ deeds, as per this school of thought are inexcusable.


There are also some who think that such conduct is no big deal and that celebrities tend to use their money to indulge in luxuries which may be out of consideration for other people. Many of his fans also believe that his mistakes must be overlooked for the sake of brilliance of his game. These people feel that Woods is being beleaguered and that the reason for his behaviour is because he is a ‘sex addict’ and that he must be absolved since it is a medical condition.


The question of whether or not should Tiger Woods be forgiven has turned out to be more of a personal opinion. What one may bear in mind before judging him are little facts that enrolling for rehab by claiming to be a sex addict should not liberate him of his blunders. However, the fact that his marriage is on the verge of crumbling does bring him sympathy votes. The eventual answer to this big question is perhaps a much deeper one than just a yes or a no.


Sunday, November 15, 2009

The Zsa Zsa Zsu

Have you ever experienced the feeling? The feeling of being robbed by your own thoughts? The butterflies... not in the stomach but in the heart. The feeling that makes you fly above your horizon and leaves your brain spinning in the moments of supposed sanity.

Has someone's smile or glint in the eye made you skip a beat? I can constantly feel it thumping and singing. Every song's lyrics have suddenly become evidently painful. One day and a literal sleepless night. I am scared. What is it?

Is he the one or is it just temporary? What is it?

It felt safe, it felt harmless, it felt warm. Now though its cold. What is it?

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

WAIT to NO WEIGHT

There are times when your own mirror begins to repel you. It may or may not be your fault, but the very idea of having that perfect reflection sometimes brings inspiration and sometimes shame. They say looks don't matter. They even say that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, but in reality, my 25 years of experience says, 'No' it doesn't stay in the eyes. A so-called 'not-so-beautiful' girl or an overweight one in many cases gets picked last in the prom, she gets least amount of proposals and she is the one who usually believes in the idiotic idiom 'beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder'.
I am not ashamed to admit that I have been this girl. All through school, until I wore specs, was plump, tied my hair in a pony tail and well was short in height (something I have to live with), the supposedly beautiful girls and the hero boys that they once were, never took much notice of me. Cut two my college scene - I lost some weight (just 2 kgs to be precise), opened up my hair, rested my specs and wore contact lenses and just like everyone else, got into a decent pair of jeans and a top. What happened next was beyond my belief, I was crowned miss fresher. After some eight years of that beautiful memory, I am at a stage where my mirror does not repel me. I am no longer in the 'fat' category but as per the gifted genes I have, I still need to reduce some weight. Now, with the over-exhaustive schedule I am living, gymming is not a considerable option. So here comes the oh-so-talked-about diet plan which I am not sure I can follow that religiously, but since it has helped several people, it could work at least half of its wonders on me as well.... Here is the popular GM diet plan...

During the first seven days you must abstain from all alcohol. You must drink 10 glasses of water each day.

Day One: All fruits except bananas. Your first day will consist of all the fruits you want. It is strongly suggested that you consume lots of melons the first day. Especially watermelon and a loupe. If you limit your fruit consumption to melons, your chances of losing three lbs. on first day are very good.

Day Two: All vegetables. You are encouraged to eat until you are stuffed with all the raw or cooked vegetables of your choice. There is no limit on the amount or type. For your complex carbohydrate, you will start day two with a large baked potato for breakfast. You may top the potato with one pat of butter.

Day Three: A mixture of fruits and vegetables of your choice. Any amount, any quantity. No bananas yet. No potatoes today.

Day Four: Bananas and milk. Today you will eat as many as eight bananas and drink three glasses of milk. This will be combined with the special soup which may be eaten in limited quantities.

Day Five: Today is feast day. You will eat beef and tomatoes. Eat two 10 oz. portions of lean beef. Hamburger is OK. Combine this with six whole tomatoes. On day five you must increase your water intake by one quart. This is to cleanse your system of the uric acid you will be producing.

Day Six: Beef and vegetables. Today you may eat an unlimited amount of beef and vegetables. Eat to your hearts content.

Day Seven: Today your food intake will consist of brown rice, fruit juices and all the vegetables you care to consume.


Not sure if I would be able to follow it, but I guess, now I have to... I have to.

The foodie left loose in Delhi

Okay... so I may not know about the food or places that are considered the best in Delhi. But I do however, have a nice taste of my own. The over-excited tongue that I was born with, adds fuel to fire when it comes to food. So here are what I think are some must-haves food items if you are visiting Delhi. There may however be more, I think for one time these should be enough.
So here is my 5 point hit list that tells you why I love Delhi so much...
1. Crazy Cow fast food chinese joint
Where: Rajouri Garden
What to have: Chicken hot n hour soup and Chilly Chicken Dry. I have yet to find a better chilly chicken in Delhi.
Price: Not more than Rs.130

2. Panchkuian Samose Wala
Where: Several places in Delhi
What to have: Daal and gobhi samosa served with a gravy. You might feel corrupted if you are on a diet, but honestly, these triangular darlings are worth it.
Price: Rs.30 per plate

3. Aromas of China
Where: Ambi Mall - Gurgaon
What to have: A lavish lunch chinese buffet. If you want to indulge in some good endless chinese victuals, this is the place. Not only is the ambience nice, the wide variety is a bliss. If you visit once, you are sure to become a regular.
Price: Ranges from Rs.299 to 399 per head

4. Bengali Market ki Chaat
Where: Bengali Market
What to have: Golgappas, papdi chaat and practically everything they serve. Bengal Sweets and Nathu's are the monopolists. Nathu's bakery serves some very delectable items.
Price: Rs 20 - Rs 500 (depending on how much you can eat)

5. Kamla Nagar Bread Pakoda Wala
Where: Bungalow Road (Kamla Nagar)
When: Only in the evenings.
What to have: Obviously bread pakodas. Bites aren't enough. Have them hot or pack and take home, the yummy bread pakodas you get here are nothing but a masterpiece.

So my dear foodies, try these victuals out and enjoy...

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

India is doing better than other economies: JP Morgan chief

For those worried about the financial crunch post recession, there is a bit of a breather. A statement in favour of India's current economic status by JP Morgan's chief executive might just raise hopes and waiver off the worries of the serviced and the business class population of India. Provided below is the story being published in various places about his opinion:

"Indian economy will not be affected as badly as other countries by the global financial crisis as it has a strong growth record, Jamie Dimon, chief executive of financial services firm JP Morgan Chase and Co, said.
'India is doing far better than most other countries... Most important that you (India) might slow down a little bit but you have still a pretty good growth, so I don't think it needs to do quiet anything like it has been done elsewhere,' Dimon said in an interview with NDTV.
He, however, said that the global economic scenario was alarming and the current crisis was 'worst since the great depression' of 1930s.
Referring to the great depression, he said: 'I don't think it will go that bad but that will be the worst.'
With the three major economies - the US, Europe and Japan - facing downturn, Dimon urged the emerging economies to be prepared to deal with its consequences.
'The three 3 major economies in the world are slowing down... that it will have an effect on them (emerging economies),' he said."

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Interview with Gopal Godse: co-conspirer in Mahatma Gandhi's murder

Someone once said that "patriotism flows in the veins of us Indians, sadly though, our country is divided in religious borders". When we look back at the so-called good times, when religious clashes weren't in sight, we imagine a country full of smiling and happy people. But dreams they say, do end. With the painful partition of India, there are even more painful stories attached. Given below is one such story that has mostly gone unheard. Father of the nation - Mahatma Gandhi, whose thoughts and beliefs have driven our moral and social value classes for decades died a painful death - shot by Nathuram Godse.

Decades after his death, here are some details of the story of his assasination through the other side of the coin (http://www.time.com/time/asia/magazine/2000/0214/india.godse.html):

"His Principle of Peace Was Bogus"Gopal Godse, co-conspirator in Gandhi's assassination and brother of the assassin, looks back in anger--and without regret.

Fifty-two years ago, on Jan. 30, 1948, Mohandas Gandhi was shot dead by Nathuram Godse, a Hindu extremist. Godse believed that the Mahatma, or great soul, was responsible for the 1947 partition of India and the creation of Pakistan. Godse and his friend Narayan Apte were hanged. His brother Gopal and two others were sentenced to life imprisonment for their part in the conspiracy. Gopal Godse remained in jail for 18 years and now, at 80, lives with his wife in a small apartment in Pune. He is still proud of his role in the murder. Although Godse is largely ignored in India and rarely talks to journalists, he agreed to speak with TIME Delhi correspondent Meenakshi Ganguly.

TIME: What happened in January 1948?

Godse: On Jan. 20, Madanlal Pahwa exploded a bomb at Gandhi's prayer meeting in Delhi. It was 50 m away from Gandhi. [The other conspirators] all ran away from the place. Madanlal was caught there. Then there was a tension in our minds that we had to finish the task before the police caught us. Then Nathuram [Gopal's brother] took it on himself to do the thing. We only wanted destiny to help us -- meaning we should not be caught on the spot before he acted.

TIME: Why did you want to kill Gandhi?

Godse: Gandhi was a hypocrite. Even after the massacre of the Hindus by the Muslims, he was happy. The more the massacres of the Hindus, the taller his flag of secularism.

TIME: Did you ever see Gandhi?

Godse: Yes.

TIME: Did you attend his meetings?

Godse: Yes.

TIME: Can you explain how he created his mass following?

Godse: The credit goes to him for maneuvering the media. He captured the press. That was essential. How Gandhi walked, when he smiled, how he waved -- all these minor details that the people did not require were imposed upon them to create an atmosphere around Gandhi. And the more ignorant the masses, the more popular was Gandhi. So they always tried to keep the masses ignorant.

TIME: But surely it takes more than good publicity to create a Gandhi?

Godse: There is another thing. Generally in the Indian masses, people are attracted toward saintism. Gandhi was shrewd to use his saintdom for politics. After his death the government used him. The government knew that he was an enemy of Hindus, but they wanted to show that he was a staunch Hindu. So the first act they did was to put "Hey Ram" into Gandhi's dead mouth.

TIME: You mean that he did not say "Hey Ram" as he died?

Godse: No, he did not say it. You see, it was an automatic pistol. It had a magazine for nine bullets but there were actually seven at that time. And once you pull the trigger, within a second, all the seven bullets had passed. When these bullets pass through crucial points like the heart, consciousness is finished. You have no strength. When Nathuram saw Gandhi was coming, he took out the pistol and folded his hands with the pistol inside it. There was one girl very close to Gandhi. He feared that he would hurt the girl. So he went forward and with his left hand pushed her aside and shot. It happened within one second. You see, there was a film and some Kingsley fellow had acted as Gandhi. Someone asked me whether Gandhi said, "Hey Ram." I said Kingsley did say it. But Gandhi did not. Because that was not a drama.

TIME: Many people think Gandhi deserved to be nominated TIME's Person of the Century. [He was one of two runners-up, after Albert Einstein.]

Godse: I name him the most cruel person for Hindus in India. The most cruel person! That is how I term him.

TIME: Is that why Gandhi had to die?

Godse: Yes. For months he was advising Hindus that they must never be angry with the Muslims. What sort of ahimsa (non-violence) is this? His principle of peace was bogus. In any free country, a person like him would be shot dead officially because he was encouraging the Muslims to kill Hindus.

TIME: But his philosophy was of turning the other cheek. He felt one person had to stop the cycle of violence...

Godse: The world does not work that way.

TIME: Is there anything that you admire about Gandhi?

Godse: Firstly, the mass awakening that Gandhi did. In our school days Gandhi was our idol. Secondly, he removed the fear of prison. He said it is different to go into prison for a theft and different to go in for satyagraha (civil disobedience). As youngsters, we had our enthusiasm, but we needed some channel. We took Gandhi to be our channel. We don't repent for that.

TIME: Did you not admire his principles of non-violence?

Godse: Non-violence is not a principle at all. He did not follow it. In politics you cannot follow non-violence. You cannot follow honesty. Every moment, you have to give a lie. Every moment you have to take a bullet in hand and kill someone. Why was he proved to be a hypocrite? Because he was in politics with his so-called principles. Is his non-violence followed anywhere? Not in the least. Nowhere.

TIME: What was the most difficult thing about killing Gandhi?

Godse: The greatest hurdle before us was not that of giving up our lives or going to the gallows. It was that we would be condemned both by the government and by the public. Because the public had been kept in the dark about what harm Gandhi had done to the nation. How he had fooled them!

TIME: Did the people condemn you?

Godse: Yes. People in general did. Because they had been kept ignorant.

The interview given above is taken from the URL mentioned in the story. The author takes no responsibility of the authenticity of the matter published above. Also, the information given is purely for reference and curiosity satisfaction, not to be considered as fact.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Shoes - they bring about the best

Recently, I wrote a story on shoes (ladies shoes of course) in the Gurgaon supplement of our newspaper. The HT Gurgaon Glamour supplement this time, came with tremendous response on a vague story on shoes published on the lame Page 04; something not even half expected.
The moment I logged in to my office mail I encountered more than a dozen mails waiting to appreciate me for taking up this subject and for daring to be informative in my story. However, out of all the responses, one particular response got my attention the most. The mail was sent by someone who claimed to be a renowned doctor in this area, loves wearing heels, is a 47 year old and is a 'male'. Much to my surprise, this guy loves to cross dress, but obviously finds a hard time to find a comfortable and nice pair for himself in Gurgaon. I also wonder how the sales people deal with serving the 'cross dressing' crowd. With all due respect to him and his likings, pasted below is a 'piece' from his email (considering his right to anonymity although he mentioned his name and contact details for further communication):

"I am a 47 years old male. I am a doctor by profession. I have particular liking for lady's shoes and apparels and love to cross-dress. Althogh for years i have been trying to supress this feeling and rather trying to fight it out to get it jout of my mind. But i failed. Now i think of developing my this feminine side.
I find problem in finidng women's sandals of my size. My men size is 8 or 9. My feet measures 10.5 inches in lenght, So what size of women's sandal will fit me? I have tried size 10 and 11 but they are tight in front even if they are ok in lentgh. I would also like you to guide me from where i can get my size. And how much heel should I wear as such I like to wear heels. And what type of heels broad or thin? Will stilletoes suit me?
I will be highly obliged to you as i am very much distressed otherwise"


Courtesy the good old ethics of journalism in me, I replied back with whatever information I had and help I could offer. As much as I love the response from this reader, I couldn't bring myself to terms with the existing answer to a big question any writer has before he/ she writes: "Who is my audience"? I am sure that since the story received such a good response, it must be worth it. Still, I wonder, was it able to put the right feelings across? From a shoe lover (me) to a shoe lover (reader) the information was shared and evidently, much beyond its obvious audience.

I truly thank this reader for having opened my eyes to see beyond the obvious as it would certainly help me deliver better. I hence promise people of the same group to dedicate another 'hard-worked' story on 'cross dressing' very soon.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

When exactly is it enough?

My US born cousin recently visited us on her office trip to India. The confident and smart four years elder to me woman that she is now, seemed so tension free. Of course, she has her problems too; but when it comes to happiness - our faces depict the obvious. She is surely more relaxed and layed out. No career problems, no diet regimes, no matchmakings - in short I envy her. They say grass on the other side is always greener and that you may always end up pittying yourself. But seriously, doesn't it get enough or rather more than enough when others too start finding you miserable?

Single life is popularly the most free life we live. There are no responsibilities and you can do what you want. Still, not many are happy being single for long. It may be fine for a change, but in the long run - you do want to be with someone. The worst of course hits only when others too think the same for you. Well...life as they say... doesn't come easy.

Friday, October 10, 2008

The ITCH

As per a recent study written by Dr Atul Gawande and published by NY Times, the mysterious power of the ITCH may be a clue to a new theory about brains and bodies. Here is what the paper says..
"It was still shocking to M. how much a few wrong turns could change your life. She had graduated from Boston College with a degree in psychology, married at twenty-five, and had two children, a son and a daughter. She and her family settled in a town on Massachusetts’ southern shore. She worked for thirteen years in health care, becoming the director of a residence program for men who’d suffered severe head injuries. But she and her husband began fighting. There were betrayals. By the time she was thirty-two, her marriage had disintegrated. In the divorce, she lost possession of their home, and, amid her financial and psychological struggles, she saw that she was losing her children, too. Within a few years, she was drinking. She began dating someone, and they drank together. After a while, he brought some drugs home, and she tried them. The drugs got harder. Eventually, they were doing heroin, which turned out to be readily available from a street dealer a block away from her apartment.
One day, she went to see a doctor because she wasn’t feeling well, and learned that she had contracted H.I.V. from a contaminated needle. She had to leave her job. She lost visiting rights with her children. And she developed complications from the H.I.V., including shingles, which caused painful, blistering sores across her scalp and forehead. With treatment, though, her H.I.V. was brought under control. At thirty-six, she entered rehab, dropped the boyfriend, and kicked the drugs. She had two good, quiet years in which she began rebuilding her life. Then she got the itch.
It was right after a shingles episode. The blisters and the pain responded, as they usually did, to acyclovir, an antiviral medication. But this time the area of the scalp that was involved became numb, and the pain was replaced by a constant, relentless itch. She felt it mainly on the right side of her head. It crawled along her scalp, and no matter how much she scratched it would not go away. “I felt like my inner self, like my brain itself, was itching,” she says. And it took over her life just as she was starting to get it back.
Her internist didn’t know what to make of the problem. Itching is an extraordinarily common symptom. All kinds of dermatological conditions can cause it: allergic reactions, bacterial or fungal infections, skin cancer, psoriasis, dandruff, scabies, lice, poison ivy, sun damage, or just dry skin. Creams and makeup can cause itch, too. But M. used ordinary shampoo and soap, no creams. And when the doctor examined M.’s scalp she discovered nothing abnormal—no rash, no redness, no scaling, no thickening, no fungus, no parasites. All she saw was scratch marks.
The internist prescribed a medicated cream, but it didn’t help. The urge to scratch was unceasing and irresistible. “I would try to control it during the day, when I was aware of the itch, but it was really hard,” M. said. “At night, it was the worst. I guess I would scratch when I was asleep, because in the morning there would be blood on my pillowcase.” She began to lose her hair over the itchy area. She returned to her internist again and again. “I just kept haunting her and calling her,” M. said. But nothing the internist tried worked, and she began to suspect that the itch had nothing to do with M.’s skin.
Plenty of non-skin conditions can cause itching. Dr. Jeffrey Bernhard, a dermatologist with the University of Massachusetts Medical School, is among the few doctors to study itching systematically (he published the definitive textbook on the subject), and he told me of cases caused by hyperthyroidism, iron deficiency, liver disease, and cancers like Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Sometimes the syndrome is very specific. Persistent outer-arm itching that worsens in sunlight is known as brachioradial pruritus, and it’s caused by a crimped nerve in the neck. Aquagenic pruritus is recurrent, intense, diffuse itching upon getting out of a bath or shower, and although no one knows the mechanism, it’s a symptom of polycythemia vera, a rare condition in which the body produces too many red blood cells.
But M.’s itch was confined to the right side of her scalp. Her viral count showed that the H.I.V. was quiescent. Additional blood tests and X-rays were normal. So the internist concluded that M.’s problem was probably psychiatric. All sorts of psychiatric conditions can cause itching. Patients with psychosis can have cutaneous delusions—a belief that their skin is infested with, say, parasites, or crawling ants, or laced with tiny bits of fibreglass. Severe stress and other emotional experiences can also give rise to a physical symptom like itching—whether from the body’s release of endorphins (natural opioids, which, like morphine, can cause itching), increased skin temperature, nervous scratching, or increased sweating. In M.’s case, the internist suspected tricho-tillomania, an obsessive-compulsive disorder in which patients have an irresistible urge to pull out their hair.
M. was willing to consider such possibilities. Her life had been a mess, after all. But the antidepressant medications often prescribed for O.C.D. made no difference. And she didn’t actually feel a compulsion to pull out her hair. She simply felt itchy, on the area of her scalp that was left numb from the shingles. Although she could sometimes distract herself from it—by watching television or talking with a friend—the itch did not fluctuate with her mood or level of stress. The only thing that came close to offering relief was to scratch.
“Scratching is one of the sweetest gratifications of nature, and as ready at hand as any,” Montaigne wrote. “But repentance follows too annoyingly close at its heels.” For M., certainly, it did: the itching was so torturous, and the area so numb, that her scratching began to go through the skin. At a later office visit, her doctor found a silver-dollar-size patch of scalp where skin had been replaced by scab. M. tried bandaging her head, wearing caps to bed. But her fingernails would always find a way to her flesh, especially while she slept.
One morning, after she was awakened by her bedside alarm, she sat up and, she recalled, “this fluid came down my face, this greenish liquid.” She pressed a square of gauze to her head and went to see her doctor again. M. showed the doctor the fluid on the dressing. The doctor looked closely at the wound. She shined a light on it and in M.’s eyes. Then she walked out of the room and called an ambulance. Only in the Emergency Department at Massachusetts General Hospital, after the doctors started swarming, and one told her she needed surgery now, did M. learn what had happened. She had scratched through her skull during the night—and all the way into her brain.
Itching is a most peculiar and diabolical sensation. The definition offered by the German physician Samuel Hafenreffer in 1660 has yet to be improved upon: An unpleasant sensation that provokes the desire to scratch. Itch has been ranked, by scientific and artistic observers alike, among the most distressing physical sensations one can experience. In Dante’s Inferno, falsifiers were punished by “the burning rage / of fierce itching that nothing could relieve”:
Though scratching can provide momentary relief, it often makes the itching worse. Dermatologists call this the itch-scratch cycle. Scientists believe that itch, and the accompanying scratch reflex, evolved in order to protect us from insects and clinging plant toxins—from such dangers as malaria, yellow fever, and dengue, transmitted by mosquitoes; from tularemia, river blindness, and sleeping sickness, transmitted by flies; from typhus-bearing lice, plague-bearing fleas, and poisonous spiders. The theory goes a long way toward explaining why itch is so exquisitely tuned. You can spend all day without noticing the feel of your shirt collar on your neck, and yet a single stray thread poking out, or a louse’s fine legs brushing by, can set you scratching furiously.
In the operating room, a neurosurgeon washed out and debrided M.’s wound, which had become infected. Later, a plastic surgeon covered it with a graft of skin from her thigh. Though her head was wrapped in layers of gauze and she did all she could to resist the still furious itchiness, she awoke one morning to find that she had rubbed the graft away. The doctors returned her to the operating room for a second skin graft, and this time they wrapped her hands as well. She rubbed it away again anyway.
“They kept telling me I had O.C.D.,” M. said. A psychiatric team was sent in to see her each day, and the resident would ask her, “As a child, when you walked down the street did you count the lines? Did you do anything repetitive? Did you have to count everything you saw?” She kept telling him no, but he seemed skeptical. He tracked down her family and asked them, but they said no, too. Psychology tests likewise ruled out obsessive-compulsive disorder. They showed depression, though, and, of course, there was the history of addiction. So the doctors still thought her scratching was from a psychiatric disorder. They gave her drugs that made her feel logy and sleep a lot. But the itching was as bad as ever, and she still woke up scratching at that terrible wound.
One morning, she found, as she put it, “this very bright and happy-looking woman standing by my bed. She said, ‘I’m Dr. Oaklander,’ ” M. recalled. “I thought, Oh great. Here we go again. But she explained that she was a neurologist, and she said, ‘The first thing I want to say to you is that I don’t think you’re crazy. I don’t think you have O.C.D.’ At that moment, I really saw her grow wings and a halo,” M. told me. “I said, ‘Are you sure?’ And she said, ‘Yes. I have heard of this before.’ ”
Anne Louise Oaklander was about the same age as M. Her mother is a prominent neurologist at Albert Einstein College of Medicine, in New York, and she’d followed her into the field. Oaklander had specialized in disorders of peripheral nerve sensation—disorders like shingles. Although pain is the most common symptom of shingles, Oaklander had noticed during her training that some patients also had itching, occasionally severe, and seeing M. reminded her of one of her shingles patients. “I remember standing in a hallway talking to her, and what she complained about—her major concern—was that she was tormented by this terrible itch over the eye where she had had shingles,” she told me. When Oaklander looked at her, she thought that something wasn’t right. It took a moment to realize why. “The itch was so severe, she had scratched off her eyebrow.”
Oaklander tested the skin near M.’s wound. It was numb to temperature, touch, and pinprick. Nonetheless, it was itchy, and when it was scratched or rubbed M. felt the itchiness temporarily subside. Oaklander injected a few drops of local anesthetic into the skin. To M.’s surprise, the itching stopped—instantly and almost entirely. This was the first real relief she’d had in more than a year.
It was an imperfect treatment, though. The itch came back when the anesthetic wore off, and, although Oaklander tried having M. wear an anesthetic patch over the wound, the effect diminished over time. Oaklander did not have an explanation for any of this. When she took a biopsy of the itchy skin, it showed that ninety-six per cent of the nerve fibres were gone. So why was the itch so intense?
Oaklander came up with two theories. The first was that those few remaining nerve fibres were itch fibres and, with no other fibres around to offer competing signals, they had become constantly active. The second theory was the opposite. The nerves were dead, but perhaps the itch system in M.’s brain had gone haywire, running on a loop all its own.
The second theory seemed less likely. If the nerves to her scalp were dead, how would you explain the relief she got from scratching, or from the local anesthetic? Indeed, how could you explain the itch in the first place? An itch without nerve endings didn’t make sense. The neurosurgeons stuck with the first theory; they offered to cut the main sensory nerve to the front of M.’s scalp and abolish the itching permanently. Oaklander, however, thought that the second theory was the right one—that this was a brain problem, not a nerve problem—and that cutting the nerve would do more harm than good. She argued with the neurosurgeons, and she advised M. not to let them do any cutting.
“But I was desperate,” M. told me. She let them operate on her, slicing the supraorbital nerve above the right eye. When she woke up, a whole section of her forehead was numb—and the itching was gone. A few weeks later, however, it came back, in an even wider expanse than before. The doctors tried pain medications, more psychiatric medications, more local anesthetic. But the only thing that kept M. from tearing her skin and skull open again, the doctors found, was to put a foam football helmet on her head and bind her wrists to the bedrails at night.
She spent the next two years committed to a locked medical ward in a rehabilitation hospital—because, although she was not mentally ill, she was considered a danger to herself. Eventually, the staff worked out a solution that did not require binding her to the bedrails. Along with the football helmet, she had to wear white mitts that were secured around her wrists by surgical tape. “Every bedtime, it looked like they were dressing me up for Halloween—me and the guy next to me,” she told me.
“The guy next to you?” I asked. He had had shingles on his neck, she explained, and also developed a persistent itch. “Every night, they would wrap up his hands and wrap up mine.” She spoke more softly now. “But I heard he ended up dying from it, because he scratched into his carotid artery.”
I met M. seven years after she’d been discharged from the rehabilitation hospital. She is forty-eight now. She lives in a three-room apartment, with a crucifix and a bust of Jesus on the wall and the low yellow light of table lamps strung with beads over their shades. Stacked in a wicker basket next to her coffee table were Rick Warren’s “The Purpose Driven Life,” People, and the latest issue of Neurology Now, a magazine for patients. Together, they summed up her struggles, for she is still fighting the meaninglessness, the isolation, and the physiology of her predicament.
She met me at the door in a wheelchair; the injury to her brain had left her partially paralyzed on the left side of her body. She remains estranged from her children. She has not, however, relapsed into drinking or drugs. Her H.I.V. remains under control. Although the itch on her scalp and forehead persists, she has gradually learned to protect herself. She trims her nails short. She finds ways to distract herself. If she must scratch, she tries to rub gently instead. And, if that isn’t enough, she uses a soft toothbrush or a rolled-up terry cloth. “I don’t use anything sharp,” she said. The two years that she spent bound up in the hospital seemed to have broken the nighttime scratching. At home, she found that she didn’t need to wear the helmet and gloves anymore.
Still, the itching remains a daily torment. “I don’t normally tell people this,” she said, “but I have a fantasy of shaving off my eyebrow and taking a metal-wire grill brush and scratching away.”
Some of her doctors have not been willing to let go of the idea that this has been a nerve problem all along. A local neurosurgeon told her that the original operation to cut the sensory nerve to her scalp must not have gone deep enough. “He wants to go in again,” she told me.
A new scientific understanding of perception has emerged in the past few decades, and it has overturned classical, centuries-long beliefs about how our brains work—though it has apparently not penetrated the medical world yet. The old understanding of perception is what neuroscientists call “the naïve view,” and it is the view that most people, in or out of medicine, still have. We’re inclined to think that people normally perceive things in the world directly. We believe that the hardness of a rock, the coldness of an ice cube, the itchiness of a sweater are picked up by our nerve endings, transmitted through the spinal cord like a message through a wire, and decoded by the brain.
She met me at the door in a wheelchair; the injury to her brain had left her partially paralyzed on the left side of her body. She remains estranged from her children. She has not, however, relapsed into drinking or drugs. Her H.I.V. remains under control. Although the itch on her scalp and forehead persists, she has gradually learned to protect herself. She trims her nails short. She finds ways to distract herself. If she must scratch, she tries to rub gently instead. And, if that isn’t enough, she uses a soft toothbrush or a rolled-up terry cloth. “I don’t use anything sharp,” she said. The two years that she spent bound up in the hospital seemed to have broken the nighttime scratching. At home, she found that she didn’t need to wear the helmet and gloves anymore.Still, the itching remains a daily torment. “I don’t normally tell people this,” she said, but I have a fantasy of shaving off my eyebrow and taking a metal-wire grill brush and scratching away'."

These are some excerpts from the paper published by NY Times. But surely, it moves a certain nerve in us, that disturbs our age old notions and beliefs about itching and scratching. In short I should say, the paper triggers 'an itch'.

A woman’s right to shoes

As much as we love our shoes, there is something strange about the way some girls deal with it. With the rich variety of designs, brands, colours and heels available in the market, who can stop herself from indulging? But shoes or heels to say more appropriately need you to do your own research and know what you are getting into. As much as thrilling an experience it is, not all of us are Carrie Bradshaw of Sex and the City. After all, in real life even Sarah Jessica Parker had hurt her ankles. So to make matters easier, here is a gist of how well you should know your shoes.

It is true that heels bring a curve to your body and that you can walk more confidently in them rather than when you put on your sneakers. However, a bitter fact is also that these heels have ruined many lives to its credit. The foremost and most prominent reason behind this is the lack of knowledge and carelessness while dealing with these amazing objects. There is still no reason to quit your heels just yet. All you need is a little bit of info. Lets start with the lengths of heels available.
Low heels--start your quest here!
If you want to taste the life of a high heeler, and yet want to avoid the pains, just go low-heels! Girls wear low heels to train themselves for a bigger task (stiletto, for many) or they just prioritize health over style. Doesn't matter to which category you fall in, whats important for you to know is that you are not alone. These heels help you pep-up your confidence and are very much acceptable in a professional atmosphere as well.
Medium heels--for the undergraduates!
Medium heels are for those who crave to wear high heels but still lack that most wanted terrible balance. Practicing on medium heels will surely pay you and it is one of the top tips that high heel experts give. But if you are naturally tall, don't ever compete with the Everest; instead opt medium heels and get satisfied with them.
High heels—necessity sometimes!
Wearing a pair of high-heeled shoes makes a more sexy curve in the body. The body above your hip bends naturally to balance itself, thereby creating an almost seductive curve. So don't ever think that high heels are just for your feet, you never know what all those stares are for.
Warnings for high-heel lovers
As a common fact known to many, if you constantly wear heels, the intense stress on your muscles, tendons and joints can cause permanent damage to your feet. As much as we high-heel lovers want to deny this fact, it is in our own interest to accept it.
Too much pain is a bad sign. If your feet are giving you a hard time, take off your shoes and figure out why. If they don't fit, no matter how much you like them, get rid of them. After all, shoes can be replaced, but you have one pair of feet.
You need to be much more careful while walking in high-heels. Be careful about terrain, grass, ice, metal grates and other things that can trip you up very easily, damaging or breaking your heel, or worse. Long walks in heels aren't recommended either; the shorter the step, you will have to make many more steps to cover any given distance. Don’t do that; you’d be forced to spend the rest of your life in comfort shoes, and that's a harsh fate. Bunions, hammertoes and achilles tendon problems are common in high heel wearers. Take a break, change shoes regularly and exercise to stay in shape.
High heels, especially stiletto heels, never go out of style with true fashionistas. But being fashionable isn't always confortable. If you are a slave to high heels you might also suffer from corns, bunions, and fallen arches. Luckily, there are ways to make them less harmful to your feet (and not just by spending $400+ on an elite designer pair). TYPES
A kitten heel is a short, slender heel, usually from 3.5 centimeters (1.5 inches) to 5 centimeters (2 inches) high with a slight curve setting the heel in from the edge of the shoe. The style was popularized by Audrey Hepburn. They are particularly common on sandals.
A kitten heel is a stiletto heel of 5 centimeters or less in height; some are as low as 3 cm. They are classified as stiletto heels and despite their lack of height are generally classified as ‘high heels’ because of their sex appeal; particularly when teamed with a sharp pointed toe or long ‘winklepicker’ toe. This is an anomaly because a shoe or pump with regular wide heels of 3.5 centimeters high would normally be considered a flat shoe; it is the addition of a stiletto heel, however short, that turns it into a sexual accessory.
A stiletto heel (also known as a spike heel) is a long, thin heel found on some boots and shoes, usually for women. It is named after the stiletto dagger, the phrase being first recorded in the early 1930s. Stiletto heels may vary in length from 2.5 cm (1 inch) to 20 cm (8 inches) or more if a platform sole is used, and are sometimes defined as having a diameter at the ground of less than 1 cm (slightly less than half an inch). Not all high slim heels merit the description stiletto. The extremely slender original Italian-style stiletto heels of the very early 1960s were no more than 5mm in diameter for much of their length, although the heel sometimes flared out a little at the tip. After their demise in the mid-late 1960s, such slender heels were difficult to find until recently due to changes in the way heels were mass-produced. However, no moulded plastic heel with internal metal tube can hope to achieve the slender line or strength of a metal-stemmed stiletto, so it was only a matter of time before popular opinion and the demands of shoe designers brought back the manufacture of genuine stiletto heels.
A spool heel is a heel that is wide at the top and bottom and narrower in the middle. Spool heels were first popular in Europe during the Early Georgian era (1715-1750).

How to choose heels??

High heels can make your legs look long, lean and luscious. Unfortunately, they can also be quite uncomfortable if not chosen wisely. To avoid foot problems, you need to strike a balance between looks and comfort. Here's how to choose high heels that'll feel as good as they look: The right fit is critical High heels aren't the most comfortable shoes to begin with so getting the right fit is critical. By getting the right fit, you can reduce your risk of developing blisters and corns. When you try heels on in the store, walk around for at least five minutes before making a decision to purchase. Rise up on your toes and see if the shoes still feel comfortable. Before purchasing, make sure they're returnable in the event you get them home and they don't fit properly. Always try on shoes at the end of the day when your foot is it's largest due to fluid retention. Be wary of purchasing high heels online where you can't try them to see if they're comfortable. Consider your buildIf you have chunky or muscular legs and calves, choose a thicker, more substantial heel to balance out your leg. A good choice is a platform heel or an espadrille style. Not only do these tend to be more comfortable, they can make a chunky leg look smaller. Thin heeled shoes such as stilettos look best on people with thinner legs. Invest in neutral colorsAlthough you may want to branch into colored shoes occasionally for variety, blacks, browns, and neutrals are much more versatile and can be worn more places. Get out of the mindset that you need to match shoe color with your outfit. This is often overkill. Buy a few pairs of high quality heels in neutral tones that look good with almost everything. Buy one or two pairs of colored heels for special events. Consider your heightIf you're six feet tall, you may want to avoid wearing five inch stilettos unless you want to look down on everyone. If you're short and petite, tall stilettos may add height, but can be overpowering. Choose a more modest two and a half to three inch height for daytime wear. You can wear a slightly taller heel for evening. If you want to add height when wearing pants, a platform or wedge heel can work well. These shoe styles also provide better foot support than narrow heels. Give yourself a breakIf you plan on wearing high heels to work, take along a pair of flat shoes to wear during your lunch break if you'll be doing a lot of walking. To avoid foot problems, it's always a good idea to give you feet a break from the stress of high heels. For additional comfort, consider adding a pair of gel soles to your shoes. High heels can be stylish to wear and they don't have to be uncomfortable if chosen wisely. Spend some time trying on a variety of high heels before purchasing. Don't make the mistake of sacrificing comfort for style.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one
wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it
appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding
Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll
say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people make when
they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though
this may sound "not politically correct", there's a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a
good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will
come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love
alone"; You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about
finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20
or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do
with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to
share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2)you
can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a
marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!

Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this
person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling
safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having
good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished"; or
hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine
defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express
your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure
you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test?
Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular
basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine
defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do
the right ";. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with
their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is
not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are
dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking
comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal
comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking
down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability
to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they
wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom
they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers,
etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude
and appreciation?

If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything;
can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats
others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after
we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of
trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts
it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse"
If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are
not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key
is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It
pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask
questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a
great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't
want to find yourself trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Another perspective...

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance..
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize
your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere
relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

Pay attention...
Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?

When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate
you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth
around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in
the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and
after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a
commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance,
pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs.
Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or
that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare
and control?

What do you bring to the relationship?

Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You
can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love
you or make someone stay.

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't
find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or
responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong
reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:

1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment
withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace.

Monday, August 18, 2008

When family favours competition

There are only a few times when you blog becomes a platform for frustration excretion. The time is very auspicious and the moment is very special. In fact, its the most special event in my life yet. Its my brother's engagement. The moment is very emotional and very close to our hearts of course. So yes, its all good. May be not yet. Whenever there is such an occasion in your home, people who repel you would surround you somehow. And no matter how much you want to avoid them, there is just no way out.

I don't know how true it is, but there are people who give a negative vibe. There is something about them that makes you uncomfortable. A similar problem is why this new post exists. Let me start from the beginning. My mother is a very sweet and innocent lady. She tries to keep everyone happy and is pretty social as well. So here comes a turn, I may be a little stupid and idiotic, a little sweet too sometimes, but there are times when me and mom stand apart. Lets just say her innocence is responsible to make her a little gullible. She gets convinced kinda easily. So the story is that she has a friend whose daughter is into gift wrapping business, and from what I have heard, she is damn expensive (read it as not worth it). So anyways, since I am not bad in fancy gift wrapping I hardly care how good she is. Also worth a mention here is the fact that I get a negative vibe from her. She is just not as clear hearted. So today, while I sit here in the office figuring out how I can squeeze time off work, mom tells me that she is willing to offer the mean girl some business from our end. BAM! goes my brain. I get furious and totally loose it.
What the heck? I am good enough, why of all people do you have to go to her mom? I wanted to wrap everything myself, I have love inside me and everything I do for this occasion will be full of love. Problem: I am convinced that I am good enough but mom being convinced to go to her means that she isn't confident of my work.

Does anyone have a solution?

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Scents of life [A page from my daily diary]

To note: The description below is a true-life experience, only it happened a year ago.

This would be understood well by people who have worked or even visited government offices in India. Although, I do not work in a government office, my company works on the exact same pattern. Men must know the difference between a woman wearing lipstick and a man wearing it. Red coloured lips with even bloodier teeth and the indescribable scent that they give every time they open their mouth is too much for ‘clean’ people like me to handle.

I sometimes feel offended even if they utter one word from their bloody mouth. But mostly, I thank God I am not a part of them. Their responsibility factor is too high and they ensure to reach office never before 9:40 only to leave as soon as it is 5:30. ‘What a life they have’, I say when I see them coming after me in the morning and leaving before I do.

The day passes by with the best of these scents and then comes a part when you need to put your stomachs to rest. Their female counterparts seem to be forgetful to flush; and I don’t understand why is it me who is left to dust.... It is now seven days, since I have been to my office rest room as I am afraid I might encounter the dirty filthy ghost.

I know I am good at my job but I can't help but wonder, is it me who is delicate or them just plain careless? I just hope some day I too can put my stomach to rest.

The office furniture has also earned a mention and I must tell you that in the last four months of my working here, I have changed 6 chairs and 3 computer tables. For those of you who think I may be too heavy or too muscular to handle furniture right, people be aware, I am just 105 pounds.

Scents of my work life don’t evaporate here; there is more to groan about. My boss is a young man who has studied abroad and dresses up fine. He talks really sweetly but is mean to personalities like mine. Work and making best of opportunities is something he is allergic to, instead what he prefers are meaningless strategies and meetings there is no end to. Analysing a writer’s capacity is too heavy for him, but still what can I do, as he is the only son of the Chairman.

As I get ready to smell the discomfort in work and the actual office stench, I am so happy in this night as there are a few hours for me to breathe and to stretch.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

F A M I L Y

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
'Oh excuse me please' was my reply.

He said, 'Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you.'

We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.

But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
'Move out of the way,' I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,

'While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.'

By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
'Wake up, little one, wake up,' I said.

'Are these the flowers you picked for me?'
He smiled, 'I found 'em, out by the tree.

I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue.'

I said, 'Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way.'
He said, 'Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway.'

I said, 'Son, I love you too, and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.'

FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than into our own family,
an unwise investment indeed, don't you think?
So what is behind the story?

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

Whats in a KISS

One of my very dear friends had a break up recently. After the so intimate three year long relationship, she decided to not let things bother her and move on. Trying to achieve her aims in the same respect, today she introduced me to her new boyfriend. A nice, warm, handsome and smiling guy stood there waiting for us. As we approached near, he bent forward and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Normally she would have kissed him back. But she stood there smiling, and then introduced me to him saying "rads this is Gaurav....Gaurav this is rads"...Confused by the still not-so-rude act she had committed, all I could do was smile. I couldn't help but wonder why she wanted to introduce him to me when she isn't feeling that close to him. But being happy for my friend, I walked along with them to a small but good eating joint. We placed orders for our drinks and he set his eyes back on her, as he was doing for the last 20 mins we had met. I could see how much attracted he was to her. Then while talking about his work interests and all, (also mentioning how she was keeping his mind off work), he leaned closer to her and kissed her lips. Oh man. He remained there for like 2 mins and she sat still. I noticed closely if there was any movement on her lips. But no. There was none. This time he moved away with a disgusted look. Thankfully the drinks arrived and I was allowed to drift my attention. Although he seemed nice and good on paper, there was no spark from her. His interest was over-flowing from everywhere and she sat there like there was no other choice.

It was then I realised how stuck she felt. She likes this guy really a lot but what is even more important than liking is the “love factor”. How could have I been so blind not to see that what was missing there was love. Kissing is a genuine expression of attraction. But also thinking about Gaurav, how humiliated he must have felt by not getting kissed back. After we were thru with the “formal” introduction of her boyfriend and me, I suggested I’ll push off while they could enjoy amongst themselves. But things had changed after the “one person kissing scene”. He came up with an excuse to just do way with us, at least at that time. So after all this drama, I also realised one BIG BIG fact that we usually overlook. By calling ourselves good kissers, we feel proud, at least it’s a positive thing if you are a guy. But what is even more important, is the recognition of that kiss. I mean imagine the atrocity of kissing your lover and being unwelcomed by even an more unwelcoming mouth. Moral of the story, if you don’t like the guy anyways and he kisses you, at least open up and kiss him back once. No need to make him feel like shit right?

Monday, July 28, 2008

Jobless Man

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft.

The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor
as a test.

"You are employed." He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."

The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."

I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.

He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he
can survive by this Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later , the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.(spencer's)

He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously,
"You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire.
Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"

Moral of the story:

M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.

M2 - If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can be a
millionaire.

M3 - If you are reading this story on internet, you are closer to
being an office boy,

than a millionaire..........

Have a great day!!!

Smiling after reading is not mandatory!!!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Sex and the City - my thought

Someone told me that when it comes to writing, you should write what you know. Well, this is what I think I know and I would like to share it. Like millions out there, I am a Sex and the City fan. Not only do I watch the series over and over again, I can now easily understand and predict any character's reaction to any situation. So as far as the story, shoes, men, sex and fashion goes, sure they do know the best. But when it comes to real relationships, I (like Carrie Bradshaw in all her columns), begin to wonder, are 'they' there yet? I know its all fiction and I know that its just a story, but for fans like me, don't we deserve a bit more? Sure, Samantha is one of her kind and Carrie is of course made to be different, but they are human characters right?

The reason I am being judgmental about their life decisions is that fact that ever since I have seen Sex and the City - the Movie, I have thought about this time and again. How come even at the age of 50, Samantha can't slow down? Its human to slow down after so many years no matter how you are. And for Carrie, isn't she the kind of confident character who is supposed to know what she wants in life? She has been taking perfect decisions about her career, but when it comes to marriage with Big, the audience can understand the 'feeling' she gets to marry him, but the type of wedding (base of the movie's story) is so not a match. Carrie would surely know what she wants. And buying the right dress would be a part she would not skip on. Moreover, the huge wedding drama - nope, she is in no way made for that. There is a sudden change of her character there - how can anyone digest that?

But yes, may be I consider these to be story flaws, but they have surely helped me move on from my Sex and the city addiction. I don't blindly consider everything in the show perfect anymore. Thank God, the movie has made me open my eyes to the 'right'.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Cellphone - The new Cupid (A true story)

Once upon a time there was a girl. PG as I called her, was intelligent, sane, hard-working and unlike most of us, unbitten by the bug of love. As much as we all love our lovers, PG loved gizmos. Until one day, the love of her life began to fix her up with someone else. Her own cellphone, that played music as per wish and shut-up whenever she wanted peace had somehow changed its work profile and was suddenly playing, 'the matchmaker'. The love and respect for the phone was such that she could by no means ask it to mind its own business. Her love started blaring every time there was a message from the new lover and kept ringing in spite of her will to talk. So one love lead to another and by the time she realized, she had talked on the phone for 8 hours at a stretch. As much as a one-two hour chat might be exciting, PG had broken her record and had defied all laws of nature. She had lost sense, sleep, patience and her first love. The new connection wasn't worth the effort she knows now, but what she has also lost is the vibe she shared with her first lover.

Moral of the story: Since cellphones are at our disposal and allow us to talk insanely for hours, they are the new cupid, and unfortunately, also the new enemies. Beware of the cellphone addiction and understand that no matter how much you love it, shutting it up may still sometimes be wise.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Wedding jitters

There is something strange about being in the so-called marriageable age. The moment you realise that your next aim is almost achieved and that you are at a stage in life where everyone else gets married, a weird churning of emotions begins. Even if you are one of those who believe that you aren't influenced by what others do, this is where you have no say. Not to mention the constant convincing. Parents, brothers, sisters, friends, colleagues, cousins and even the kaam wali bai would know that you are now ready for marriage even if you think you are far behind 'the age'.

No points for guessing, I am (or so they say) in the marriageable age. Be it lectures on getting married in time, finding a caring person for life or settling down, all speeches have more or less had the same content. Of course, we all like weddings. Or is it the partying we like? Hard to decide. So here I am, loving the moment even though everyone is trying hard to change my home address. Shaadi vicholas, words of mouth and even matrimony sites, I am trying it all. The only good part is, these days even the girls get to see the pics and bio-datas (yes I have all of those) and I have recently seen some good ones. I am not complaining but there is a feeling in me that something is going to happen soon - hence all the excitement. I am getting wedding jitters even though nothing is fixed and nothing is happening. If anyone knows, please, HELP.