The Trap Called 'Arranged Marriage"

'Arranged Marriage' - a term that is known to trigger upset stomachs more than a stale fish. When I was a kid, I used to fancy a situation where a girl and a boy were arranged to meet by their families and considered it to be a very ‘sweet’ tradition. For me, people who condemned the act were foolish to sway away the fun it involved. I always thought how cute it was to dress up and wait for people to arrive and then to steal glances of the boy. Little did I understand the ‘real’ fun of it.

As we advance with age (supposedly) the significance of marriage increases. Surely we are taught how important it is to get married, but it all seems so big when it falls right on your head. Thinking about your marriage that may be held after a decade or so is as easy as thinking about owning an island.

One of my very good friends, AW (using his initials because I promised not to use his full name) is going through something similar these days. (No, I will not mention my own state of mind here) AW is a qualified engineer, not bad looking I think (c’mon who says you are a bad looking), has a nice supportive and caring family, is romantic, settled in the U.S. and has been a favourite amongst a few girls already. All in all, he is a happy person who works hard and parties extremely hard (or so he tells me). But to the horror of this situation, is this ‘good on paper guy's’ story, because he now sees himself being pulled closer to this horrifying act called ‘arranged marriage’.

Now being in his age (so called the right age to marry), he is obviously expected to tie the knot and get settled down. ‘Settled down’, the term brings concern and care with it. When parents ask us to ‘settle down’, they also mean, run a regular life after which only we are responsible for our acts and decisions. So well, the poor guy is introduced to several girls, some who he likes and some who he repels, but finally comes back to square one.

The comfort of living your life on your own terms and doing only what pleases you is way too enticing for people like AW to confidently step into a marriage. Of course, the road is tough but we all know that we have to go through it. So here is what I suggest you to prepare yourself for a union that we should see as a bond and not as an obligation.

Stop being a pigeon
Closing your eyes will not stop the cat from attacking you. Instead, realise your potential and fly off. This is for people who think they aren’t ready to be killed (please interpret being killed as getting married). So if you really need more time, shoo off the situation for a while and fly off to a safer island.

Have a big mouth
We all have our choices and there is a huge possibility that our parents and our choice may be different. Its different to be ill-mannered and to be frank. When it comes to your life, don’t worry how bad your parents will feel. All they want is your happiness and making a sane decision now will surely keep them and you happy for life.

Don’t count on falling in love at first sight
My friend Prashant is now engaged to a girl who he claims to have fallen in love with at the very first sight. I must mention here that his is going to be an arranged marriage. But you see, luck is not everyone’s biggest asset. So don’t count on every meeting and don’t create unnecessary hopes. I don’t think that works.

Don’t think of it as ‘arranged’
C’mon, we live in the real world and we know how supportive our families are going to be if we told them we have found our Mr. or Miss Perfect ourselves. But well, if you are as useless in this regard as me, read on. Think of marriage as not just a responsibility but as a union – a union with the person you have been trying to find everywhere ever since you became single.

But no matter, how much you calm yourself and how much you try to be positive, arranged marriage is surely infinite times tougher than a love marriage. Not that I totally support it, but being single, I don’t even condemn it. I guess since it has worked for some people, it can work for some more. Your family might want you to live happily ever after, but it isn’t in their hands to make or break your life. So people, be calm and think deeply before committing yourself to someone. If you feel scared, don't worry, join the gang, we are all dafts in this case.